Just a Really Good Date

‘Well, bollox!’ I said to myself silently while sitting in the restaurant an hour after my date was supposed to show up. I’ve been using dating apps for a while. What with long hours at work, a hideous commute and looking after my elderly mum, I don’t have time to meet women any other way. I try not to be resentful. I do realise that in these perilous times, I’m luckier than most. I own my own home. I have a great career and not too much debt. I could afford to put mum in a home, but I love her to bits and she’s still got all her marbles. She just needs company and she can’t drive anymore, so I’m sort of her chauffer and companion mostly. In fact, she’s my most reliable date for dinner.

I’m a good boyfriend, or so was told by my two serious girlfriends. The only reason they didn’t stay with me was because I didn’t have enough time for them, and that situation hasn’t improved much in the last couple of years. I do have a few mates and they try to fix me up or suggest that I get a job closer to home, but neither of those options appeal to me right now. I love where I work and, when my mum finally does have to go into a home or dies, I’ll probably up and move closer to it. The only reason I stay where I am is to stay close to her. She’s always lived in London and she wouldn’t cope anywhere else. I shouldn’t have bothered with the app and just took her out instead.

There I was, feeling humiliated after my no show. The app thing is getting a bit dreary now. Sitting at home, shopping for strangers without a clue whether or not they are real, catfish or just arseholes. A few lines of chat and then the uncomfortable wait to meet them in reality. I much preferred the meeting someone, having some chemistry, getting to know them and then, finally going on a date. This is always so awkward.

The other problem is expectations. A couple of the dates I’ve been on have ended up in bed and both were seriously disappointing. The first one was just a drunk tumble and an embarrassed hangover in the morning. The second one cried afterwards and then told me she was cheating on her boyfriend. After that, I swore not to sleep with any of the dates on the first meeting. I’m glad I made that decision because none of the first dates resulted in second ones. I’m no prude. I enjoy shagging around as much as the next guy, but one night stands end up in some sort of drama for more often than not and I just don’t have time for that.

My dream is, of course, that ever elusive unicorn – a good friend with benefits. I can’t even make time for my good friends much less make time to negotiate something like that with them. Anyway, maybe it’s just me, but if I fancied one of my friends, we’d probably end up out of the friend zone, get into the girlfriend zone and then end up in the ex zone. So, I can’t see that happening any time soon.

All I really wanted was someone I could have some skin on skin time with. I might be some sort of martyr where my mum is concerned, but I’m certainly no priest and I’m not making a vow of celibacy to be a good son to her. She understands. She wants me to go out and have fun and it makes her feel bad that I don’t have a girlfriend. She blames herself.

So, in the middle of all of this complicated rubbish, I decided it was time for me to indulge myself a little bit. I mean, my female friends have ‘spa days’. They go out and get pampered and spend a little money to feel good about themselves. Why can’t I do the same? That said, it’s not like I want a pedicure and a little gentle rub down with some smelly oils. I want some intimacy and fun. I just want it on my schedule.

A simple solution presented itself as I was scrolling through my Twitter feed. One of my mates shared a photo from Cleopatra Escorts. Something about it caught my eye. Well, yeah, she was hot and so I felt compelled to look at their page. That’s when it struck me. Escorts would be a perfect way to fulfil my own needs, not complicate my life and do it in my own time. Why hadn’t I thought of it before?

I wasted no time at all and went to their site. It was an education to start with. I had to learn a bit about all the acronyms and what they meant. I even had to do some googling. They certainly didn’t cover a lot of this stuff in sex ed. I don’t have any special requirements though, so most of it didn’t matter to me. I just wanted someone nice and pretty to give me some time and attention. Most of all I wanted someone who could do it when I was available.

What struck me about Cleopatra Escorts was how similar it was to a dating app, except in this one, everyone knows exactly what’s going to happen. There is no risk of catfishing. They even have selfies so you can see what the women look like when they aren’t being professionally photographed. You can decide exactly where and when you want to meet and for how long. If you want a dinner date, you can have one. If you want to go clubbing, you can do that too. If you want an overnighter, that’s easy. Of course, if you just want a quick in and out and Bob’s your uncle sort of visit, no problem. I really loved this idea.

I booked a good looking woman on an evening my mum had a bingo night. She was conveniently located for me, so I went to her apartment. It was clean, comfortable and had everything we needed to be comfortable. She was warm, fun and friendly. She was from Eastern Europe, which was sort of a turn on because I like the accent. To be honest, it was like a really good date, except we didn’t go anywhere. For my first time, I only booked an hour just to see if I liked it and I did.

Now, I’m booking dates through Cleopatra every three weeks or so. I’ve had a few dinner dates with their girls and it’s great to know that they not only turn up but make a special effort to be attentive and interesting. They all have been genuinely nice, and I’ve been surprised by how intelligent and engaging they are. I think I’m going to just stick to this style of dating for a while. I know that escort agencies have a sort of sordid reputation, but they shouldn’t really. It’s just another type of dating. You’re probably not going to find the love of your life this way, but that’s not what it’s about. It’s just two consensual adults having a mutually beneficial arrangement that’s fun and sexy and there’s nothing wrong with that.