Something I Need to Do

As I scroll through the photos on the site, I can’t help but return, over and over again, to one particular profile. She’s tall with dark hair and penetrating eyes and, to be honest, it’s all about the penetration thing for me right now. The first time I ever saw strap ons were in lesbian porn when I was a teenager in school. We’d share around videos and make crude jokes about them. The thing is, I was completely mesmerised by those videos and found myself daydreaming and fantasising about being on the receiving end. What, I guess they call a ‘bottom’.

For at least a year I was deeply worried that this must mean I’m gay or, possibly transgender. Did I want to be a woman? I was hugely conflicted because on one hand my whole solo sex life revolved around my longing to know what it was like to feel penetrated and yet, I felt totally like a young man and had no physical attraction to other guys. I still fancied women. I fancied them a lot. I was definitely more attracted to taller, more assertive women, but they were always feminine and beautiful. I have no issues with gay or transgender people, but I was pretty sure I wasn’t either.

Eventually, haunted by my own longings, I decided to do some research. I was shocked to discover that I was not at all alone and that many men, completely heterosexual, yearned to be used and abused by a woman wearing a strap on. I also found out that men have a unique erogenous zone called a prostate, which makes the sensation extremely pleasurable. I had no idea and it was a huge relief to discover that I was not a freak. I was just a guy with a fetish.

Learning this led me to find porn specific to my own needs and, much to my delight and surprise, it was plentiful. At first, I was a little bit out of control with it. I watched it at every opportunity, always living in fear that I would forget to delete the films or hide my history and someone would discover my ‘dirty little secret’. This died down a bit after I found my first serious girlfriend and became regularly sexually active. While I wasn’t able to live out my fantasy, the distraction of a healthy sex life, stopped my mind from wandering too often. My girlfriend was gorgeous and I found her very sexy.

But, the craving still lingered in the back of my mind. I joined a chat forum with like-minded men. There were lots of interesting and helpful discussions and I felt less and less like a weirdo and started to believe that I should try to itch my scratch somehow. One of the men on the chat site talked about how his wife would use her finger in a certain way that totally satisfied him and when he talked about how it made him feel and how she was the one who initiated it and taught him about it, I thought I might bring it up with my girlfriend.

Unfortunately, she wasn’t very open minded about anything but straight forward vanilla sex and so, it was never going to happen. I did mention it once in a conversation, saying I’d read about it online and wondered what it felt like. The look of disgust on her face was enough to warn me off ever asking her. We stayed together for another couple of years, but things fizzled out as we both went to different universities. We just couldn’t do the long distance thing.

Now that it’s been six months with just me and my fantasies, my obsession has taken over again. I haven’t wanted to get involved with anyone at the uni because it’s all about getting drunk and just going home with anyone. That’s just not my scene. Not that I know what my ‘scene’ even is. All I know is that when I’m lying in bed alone at night, giving myself some relief, all I see in my mind’s eye is a woman wearing a strap on and a smile, coming to take me.

This weekend I ended up revising and drinking on my own. I’m lucky that I’ve got my own student flat, as I’m in London and accommodation can be very tough to come by. This gives me a lot of freedom, but it’s kind of lonely and I am prone to drinking on my own while I work probably more than I should. Drinking can lead me to distracting thoughts and today I ended up back to where my mind always takes me, so I decided to look for some images. The combination of drink and being turned on gave me some courage I’ve never found before and I just made up my mind that I was going to do something about this once and for all.

According to the reviews I found, Cleopatra Escorts is the most reputable, discreet and high end escort service in London, so I looked them up. I was not disappointed. That’s what I’m doing now and I think I’ve finally made up my mind to arrange to meet the woman that I’m magnetically drawn to. It’s like my fantasy has come to life and I can actually meet her and try to discover if what I think I want is what I truly need.

I make a booking as an incall because I don’t want to bring her to my student flat. It might be private but the walls are thin and everyone has to sign in and out of the building. It would sort of be funny to see the look on the concierge’s face, but I really just want to keep my head low and graduate without any drama. Turns out she has an appointment available tonight.

I have a shower, washing thoroughly as I don’t want to be embarrassed by poor personal hygiene. Get dressed and grab an Uber. I’m nervous as all get out and keep wondering if I should cancel. My compulsion is too strong now and there’s no turning back it seems.

I arrive at her flat in a very nice part of west London on a leafy, quiet street and when she opens the door I nearly faint. She’s definitely everything I dreamed of. She smiles at me knowingly, as I had briefed her when I booked the date, about exactly what I wanted and explained that I had no experience. She seems genuinely excited and looking forward to our date. She sits me down on the little settee in the living room, offers me a drink, which I accept gratefully and makes some small talk with me, putting me at my ease.

I had been worried about how it would all work, but she is being incredibly sweet to me. She starts to ask me to tell her more about my desires and how I feel she could satisfy me. I have to admit that this bit is a bit embarrassing. I’ve never actually said it out loud to anyone, but that’s what I’m here for, I might as well go for it. Once I start and realise she’s not going to judge me for it, I let it all spill out.

She takes me by the hand and we go into the bedroom. In the next hour, I have, what I can only describe, as the most unbelievable, incredible experience I’ve ever had. I had no idea that it would be like this. All I can say is ‘Oh my God!’ I’m sort of weak at the knees, a bit shaky and can barely open the door of my Uber home and I’m already playing back what happened like a film in my head. One thing I do know is that this is something that I intend to do again. I understand that I should honour my needs now and until I find a partner who wants to share this with me, I shall be enjoying the company of the amazing women of Cleopatra Escorts as often as I can.