I’m Certifiable

Have you ever just gotten sick of your own company? Have you ever gotten bored with porn and regular dates with your own right hand? Yeah. Well, that’s about how I was feeling about six months ago. I’d been without female companionship for far too long. It’s my own fault of course. I’m too busy, too tired and too lazy to bother. I’d tried dating apps but had some bad experiences with crazies. One of the problems with those apps is that women and men tend to be looking for different things. Women want relationships and men just want…well. At least we aren’t complicated.

There will come a time when I will definitely want to do the whole nine yards. Meet a nice girl, court her, propose, get married and start a family. I’ve always wanted kids so all of that is in my future. Just not right now. I need to earn enough money to invest and own some property first. I wouldn’t want to drag someone into my life if I didn’t have the money to provide for. Anyway, I am just your typical slow to mature male. I don’t want to be tied down yet. I want to hang out with my mates, play video games, get drunk on weekends and go to the gym so I don’t get a beer belly. Any woman who would want to have a relationship with me right now would have to be loony tunes anyway.

But damn! Sometimes I am just fed up with myself and there is only so much tension working out can get rid of, if you know what I mean. I was talking to one of the guys at the gym about it. I said ‘Is it like this for everyone? I don’t want to put the work into a relationship but I’m spending so much time on my own, that I think I’m going to get a porn addiction.’ He laughed and just came right out with it like it was completely normal. ‘Why not just hire someone?’

‘Whoa! Wait a minute right there. I don’t want to catch anything nasty.’ He chuckled again, looking at me in disbelief. ‘You are behind the times. It’s not like that anymore. You don’t have to get a number off a card in a phone box or go down some back alley. They have these high class agencies, where you can get exactly what you want with the sort of woman you want. It’s almost like a menu at a restaurant, except it’s not spag bol you’ll be eating.’ And then he bellowed in hilarity at his own joke. I didn’t think it was that funny, but never mind. What he was saying was, in fact, news to me. Where had I been? I know where I’d been. Locked up in my bedroom playing Minecraft and when I’m not doing that I’m playing with myself. It was time for a change.

I had no idea that I could just look online and see a huge variety of stunning women who were keen to sell me their services. Probably not as keen as I was, to pay for them. CleopatraEscorts had been suggested and I was so glad they were. Once I saw what was possible, I was champing at the bit. I could not wait. Like an over eager kid, I chose the first girl that seemed like my type and arranged a date. An ‘incall’ they called it. I was to go to her apartment in the West End that very night. I hopped on the tube into town and in no time I was there. I didn’t even have a chance to think about being nervous. My mind was occupied fully with what I would be doing sooner than I had expected.

I had a moment of hesitation when I was buzzed in. I thought ‘What the hell am I doing?’ But, when she opened the door and I stepped inside her cozy and welcoming flat, I forgot instantly about my fears and turned into an over excited puppy. She giggled because I didn’t even attempt any normal greetings. I just stripped off all my clothes right there in the front hall and stood in all my glory grinning. She smiled, looked at my feet and pointed. Whoops! I was still wearing my socks. I pulled them off one by one on the way to the bedroom, hopping on one foot as I went. I flung myself onto the bed, lay on my back spread eagled and shouted ‘Do what you will with me!’

And, so she did. The next hour was spent a little bit more acrobatically than I had anticipated, but luckily my work in the gym paid off. We tried it with her on top. Then we tried it with me on top. Then we tried it me behind. Then we went head to toe, had a little play with our tongues before somehow she ended up riding me cowboy style. We had a little break, had some fun in the shower and then started again. I’d only arranged for a one hour appointment but, to be honest, I was so pent up like a teenager that I spent everything I had in an hour and would have just spent any extra time snoring. I’d had such a blast that I left a very generous tip as I walked out of the door feeling like a new man.

That was six months ago. I’ve now had dates with another five women since then. I treat myself to a once a month sesh. My version of a spa day I suppose. Two hours is quite sufficient for me to get everything out of my system now and the great thing about Cleopatra Escorts is that their list of services offered has opened my eyes and mind to a whole new world. So, I try something different on every visit. I tell you what. When I do finally find a girl and get hitched, she’s going to be one lucky wifey with all the new talents I’m developing. For now, I’ll just keep on studying. Shame they don’t give out certificates in bedroom skills. I’m definitely certifiable.