Just the Medicine

I was that stereotypical 30 year old virgin. It’s quite embarrassing to admit, but I had to take the bull by the horns and just face the facts. I still live with my Mum. We have a typically unhealthy co-dependent relationship. She drinks too much. I have low self-esteem and even if I could pluck up the courage to ask a girl for a date, I could never bring her home.

I started seeing a therapist a couple of months ago. I needed someone to talk all this stuff through with. I’m not stupid and I’m well aware that my situation is not ideal or good for my mental state. I feel trapped. I’m in a shitty job that I hate. Thank goodness I’m not the depressive type or into drugs. This would not be a good situation. I suspect there are quite a lot of guys out there like me, but they just don’t admit it.

Anyway, my therapist is pretty cool. I like him. He’s all about tackling issues head on. He realised that being a virgin is, for me, a mortifying circumstance. I’ve whined about it to him at length. Not that long ago, during a session, he asked me if I have ever heard of something called a ‘girlfriend experience’. The answer was ‘no’. I didn’t have a flippin’ clue what that was about. He explained that there were women who provide a professional service and that one of the things they can do is give you an idea of what it would feel like to have a real girlfriend.

It was like a giant light bulb going off in my head. ‘You mean I don’t have to find the courage to ask for a date? I don’t have to worry about rejection? I just have to book a date and she’ll make me feel like I’m going out with an actual girlfriend?’ The answers to all of my questions were a resounding ‘Yes’. At the end of the session, he wrote the name of a website and told me to have a look. I took the paper, shoved it in my pocket and headed home in a state of excitement and disbelief.

I shouted ‘Hello Mum’, as I got in and ran up the stairs to my room. I got straight on the computer and went to the website he’d recommended. It was called Cleopatra Escorts. ‘Wait a minute’, I thought. ‘Escorts?’ Of course, I had all sorts of ideas of what escorts were because of movies and TV. I’d never heard of this ‘girlfriend experience’ thing though. But, as I explored the site, there it was. A service that was offered and available and all I had to do is arrange it.

The idea started giving me anxiety almost as if I was trying to ask a girl out – but I took some deep breaths and chose a young woman who looked like a girl I used to fancy in school. She offered the ‘girlfriend experience’, which I’d worked out from Google was symbolised by GFE. A date with her was a bit on the pricier side, but I’ve always believed you get what you pay for and as I don’t pay rent and have no one to spend money on but myself, it certainly wasn’t going to break the bank. Her name was Erika.

I’m such a coward that I snuck out of my house and changed in the loo at the local pub so my Mum wouldn’t ask questions about what I was doing or why I was getting dressed up. We live just outside of Central London, so I caught a cab and went to the restaurant where I’d arranged to meet with Erika in Marylebone. I’d actually explained what I was looking for when I’d made the arrangements for the date, so there wouldn’t be any awkwardness. When I arrived, she was already waiting for me and bloody hell, was she gorgeous. I felt like I was the bumbling buffoon in a rom com as I tried to greet her, get my coat off and get in my seat, stuttering and making an idiot of myself, but she was sweet as could be and her smile and gentle laughter put me at my ease straight away.

She stood up, gave me a hug and a sweet kiss on the cheek and helped me get sorted out. I can’t explain how it feels to be simultaneously reassured and utterly terrified at the same time, but that is how I felt at first from her attention. Once I sat down, took a deep breath, we both laughed, started chatting and broke the ice. Turns out she’s a great conversationalist and has travelled quite a bit. I love to travel too, so we had quite a bit to talk about. After a few glasses of wine and a good meal, we were getting on really well and I actually did feel like I was on a date with someone who cared about and was interested in me. She was amazing.

I had explained to the escort company when I made the booking that this would be one of two dates. I didn’t want any intimacy this date as I just wanted to meet Erika, get an idea of how the girlfriend experience would work for me and get comfortable with the whole idea. So, at the end of the evening, I made sure she got into a cab safely. She kissed me on the lips, quite romantically, which made me nearly faint and whispered ‘Until next time’.

I spent the next few days mulling the whole experience over in my mind. I knew it wasn’t a real date and I knew she wasn’t really my girlfriend, but everything seemed so natural and she was so beautiful and nice. Maybe this was exactly the right way for me to do this and get over my little problem. I went to see my therapist and he was very encouraging and happy for me that I had such a good time. He told me to focus on how easy it had been for me to enjoy myself and find common ground and that this was a great trial run when I was ready for the real thing. I told him that I was going on my second date with Erika the following weekend and he wished me luck.

I told my Mum I was going to stay with a mate, arranged a nice hotel room in Kensington and prepared for my big night. I wasn’t so nervous this time, which was great. In fact, I was excited and looking forward to seeing Erika again. We were going to go for a meal and then come back to the hotel afterwards, so I headed off to the restaurant. This time, I got there first. I tried to emulate confident men I’d seen and ordered a bottle of wine to be chilled by the table before she arrived. When she walked in, she looked even prettier than the last time. She walked straight up to me, kissed me on the lips and it felt so good to know that everyone else in the restaurant saw that and believed she was my girlfriend. And, truly, she was. Even if it was just for a night.

We had a really delicious meal and spent a lot of time flirting, which was great experience for me because I hadn’t ever had the opportunity to do that before. She held my hand and from time to time even corrected me if I did or said something that wasn’t quite appropriate. I felt like I was at boyfriend school and it was perfect. After dinner, I knew it was time. We hopped in a cab and headed back to my hotel.

I felt my confidence starting to wane, but as we got through the door, Erika wrapped her arms around my neck, kissed me deeply and took me by the hand to the bathroom. There she undressed us both and we showered. While we were towelling off she got down on her knees and did something for me that no one had ever done for me before. I’m not sure how I didn’t have a heart attack. Oh. My. God.

Then, she let me to the bed. Plumped up some pillows and had me sit down while she danced for me. It was surreal to have someone so beautiful being so sensuous for me and I started to realise what feeling good about myself can be like. It was truly a turning point in my life. Eventually, she slid her body up mine and sat astride me and from then on, let’s just say that I think I was reborn. My face honestly hurt from smiling so much.

Once we were finished, we had a lovely cuddle and then she quietly slipped away as I fell asleep. Almost as if I had been visited by some sort of fairy in the night. But when I woke up, I knew it had all been real and absolutely worth it. I think I actually stood a few inches taller as I checked out of the hotel and headed home.

As I walked in, Mum gave me a funny look, but didn’t say a word. I suspect that I may arrange a few more girlfriend experiences for myself in future, as a sort of training camp, to get me ready for the real thing. I’m already starting to think about moving out and getting my own place. When I saw my therapist I could not thank him enough. His advice has really brought me forward in my life and is helping me to become a much better and healthier person. I had no idea that sexuality was such an important part of one’s health, but now that I know how essential it is to making me feel so much better, I’m definitely going to be focusing on making it a regular part of my life. Get a prescription from your shrink for Cleopatra. It’s just the medicine.